The pain I endure
by TheFirstOneToHoldMyHeart
Summary: As the blade digs deeper into her wrist, an image of Sora dances across her mind. The blade cuts deeper, blood pouring from the wound. Why do I love him? Why is the love unrequited? Why can't he love me? Please read and review. I'll start making the chapters longer after the first one. I just kind of wanted you guys to get an idea about the story.


"Sora…." Kairi mumbles, a blood stained razor on her wrist. A single cut lay on her wrist; this was her first time. A tear slides down her cheek and lands on her bloodied wrist. _Why doesn't he love me? _She asks herself. Through all these years, all the hard times, all the joyful memories, he still only thinks of Kairi as a friend. She's loved him all along. She still remembers way back when they drew each other in the secret cave as kids. Back then, she just had a crush on Sora. As they got older, she realized her love for him. Now she sits on her bed, 15 years old and depressed. What's the point in unrequited love? She takes the razor and hides it in her drawer. She got it from her pencil sharpener long ago but never decided to use it…Until now. Kairi had caught Sora sitting on the beach of Destiny Islands with none other than her best friend Namine earlier that day. Namine knows of Kairi's love for Sora but frankly, she doesn't care. Namine will do anything to get her hands on one of the hottest guys in school, even if it means hurting her so-called best friend. Namine knew Kairi was watching them; she had the nerve to wink at Kairi and snuggle closer to Sora. "_The bitch"_ Kairi thought. Now her love and her old best friend were together. Could life be any worse?

Kairi POV  
I step out of my house and head to school, not even saying a good bye to my mom. Really, she isn't even my mom. I never knew my real parents so I'm stuck living with my adopted family. I sigh, a tear rolling down my cheek. Good thing I never wear make-up, I seem to cry a lot.  
On my way to school, I see Namine exit her house. A smirk lights up her face when she sees me. She casually walks towards me as if nothing's wrong.  
"Hey Kairi." She says while waving, walking alongside me. I side-glance at her, not even attempting to return the gesture. Why is she walking beside me? She must know I am not too fond of her at the moment. We walk in silence for most of the way until she sees Riku and Sora leaning against the school.  
"Oh, they're so hot!" She squeaks, bursting ahead of me giddily. I try not to look as she gets closer to Sora because I know what I'm about to see will hurt me immensely but I can't help being curious. Namine runs up to Sora leaning against the wall and kisses him gently. She whispers something in his ear and grabs his hand. He looks down at her surprisingly but follows willingly, allowing her to bring him to her destination. Her short kilt blows in the air behind her, showing her thong as she pulls him around the corner of the school, away from the main doors. She looks at me before turning the bend and winks. I look at the ground, tears threatening to spill. A hand touches my shoulder and I spin around. Dazzling blue eyes stare back at me.  
"Riku" I murmur, taking in his handsome appearance of soft silver hair, flawless pale skin and gorgeous muscles beneath his school uniform t-shirt.  
"Are you okay?" He asks, looking at me with eyes full of concern.  
"Yeah," I mutter "Why wouldn't I be."  
He says no more, just walks at my slow pace as we enter the school. He is in the same first period as me, "The History of Destiny", meaning the history of Destiny Islands. We walk towards our class, people glaring at me. Walking with a hot guy means social suicide, considering a lot of girls want Riku to walk them to class but instead he walks with an ugly girl like me. We enter the room and take our seats. Professor Axel is holding the History text book in one hand and a girls hand in the other. Xion is desperately trying to pull away from our young, attractive teacher but he seems not to be letting go. When he finally notices that we're there, he lets her hand go in disgust. She takes her seat beside me, her eyes glossed over with fear. She runs a hand through her short black hair, closing her dark blue eyes. Professor stares at her with piercing green eyes. Lust clouds his eyes.  
"I feel sorry for her." I whisper to Riku, who nods his head in return.

When the bell rings for the starting of first period, I always see plenty of people enter the room but the only one I look for is Sora. He doesn't come though; probably still busy with Namine. I sit and listen to yet another long, boring lesson of Professor explaining the story of a young boy by the name of Ventus. Ventus lived on Destiny Islands long ago. He and his two friends, Aqua and Terra, wanted to leave the island. They got their wish when the heartless took over the island and split them all up. Ventus went to many different worlds with his two faithful companions, Donald and Goofy, in search of his two friends. The one friend he thought about most was Aqua. He had already found Terra and saw that he was fine so it was only normal to try very hard to find Aqua. In the end, he found her body. She had no heart. He never realized that her heart lay dormant inside him until Terra, possessed by darkness, attempted to kill him. Ventus manages to get Aquas heart out by stabbing himself with a keyblade. Aqua was his light and once she was gone, Ventus lost himself to the heartless. Aqua saves him in the end but they lose each other once more because she gets sent back to Destiny Islands. Turns out, Ventus loved Aqua. It's a long story, it explains all his adventures and how he defeated darkness. Next year, we get to read his second voyage. What a joy. It was really cute though, the love story I mean. He tried so hard to find her and be with her again. I wish Sora would try hard to be with me. When the bell signals class has ended, I happily get up out of my chair and exit the room, Riku at my side.

When I get home, I head straight to my room. I cautiously lock the door and throw myself onto my bed. I pull open my draw and pluck my razor out of it. I take one end and dig the other end into my wrist. I close my eyes and hold my breath. I rip the razor across my skin, letting the pain overwhelm me. Blood trickles down my wrist but I don't stop. I let all my feelings for Sora and all my hate for Namine go into these cuts. When I'm done, several ribbons of red litter my wrist, each going horizontal but the line is vertical. I don't want to stop cutting for today. I want the pain to go away. Not my physical pain, my emotional pain. It just hurts so badly. I throw open my drawer, tossing my razor inside and placing a sheet of paper atop it. I place my head in my pillow and start to cry.

Today, I am wearing a long-sleeved black uniform shirt to cover my cuts. My quilt is mid-thigh and not even close to short compared to Namine's. I head to school, thankful to not see Namine as I walk. When I get to school, I see Riku and Sora in the same position as they were yesterday. There was no Namine in sight so I start walking towards my childhood best friends. Riku was always taller, always stronger, always more handsome then Sora but he was never Sora. Sora had sapphire blue eyes that had some of his spiky long hair covering them. His skin was clear and white and his lips were un-chapped and kissable. Muscle lay beneath his uniform, surely nothing compared to Riku though. I place myself in between them, feeling inhumanly short. They don't acknowledge me; instead they start slowly pushing their selves towards me. Both of their shoulders start pushing my shoulders inward, something we used to do as a child. Sora reaches out his hand to tickle my waist but as soon as he touches me, I jump.  
"Jeez Kairi, don't be so jumpy!" He laughs, smiling warmly at me. I smile sadly back at him, averting my gaze.  
"Awe is little Kairi sad? Does someone need a hug?"  
I turn my back on him, choosing to make conversation with Riku instead.  
"Hey Riku, did you finish last night's History homework?"  
He looks at me before nodding, "Yeah I di-"  
"We had history homework?" Sora cuts off Riku.  
"Yeah we did. You would know that if you weren't off sucking faces with Namine." I huff angrily, spinning around to face him. He stumbles backwards as if I slapped him.  
"K-Kairi, we wer-"  
"OH SAVE IT SORA! I know exactly what you guys were doing. You know, I truly thought you were better than that but I guess I was wrong."  
"Really Kairi? As if I didn't see you snogging with Riku before."  
"That was one time for a dare. Plus, at least he isn't the town bike and it was just a small kiss. Everyone gets a ride on Namine. You're her new owner. I hope you have fun with her Sora. I hope she makes you happy and satisfies your needs."  
I say crossly before turning around and storming off. Riku hurries after me, his hand grasping mine. I don't release it; I clutch it for dear life. At least someone knows I need a friend right now. I turn and see Namine running towards Sora, her expression happy. She throws her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. I glare at him indignantly but I see that he doesn't put his arms around her. He just stares at me as I walk away, hand in hand with Riku. Finally, his arms go around Namine and his head nestles into her hair. _That should be me_


End file.
